Swine flu. Run for my life!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The power of my boobs compel you
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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