is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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