The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I want a musical about memes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
