even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
