Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
