Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
