I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
