No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
