Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
