right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize