god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm so fucking centered right now
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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