# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
