I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
