Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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