Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
