she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
