I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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