Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Even my vagina gasped.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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