why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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