Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
