Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
