Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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