there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You were trust falling into bushes
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
