i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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