i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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