so explain again why im purple
no
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
