this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
