HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
