if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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