TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
