Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
