so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
