You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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