guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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