I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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