we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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