Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
