Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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