he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
