Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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