I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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