You just made me feel so damn special
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
