FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm both gender and math confused
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
