Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
