Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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