You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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