You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
