mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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