Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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