he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
