Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
