Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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