so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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