cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
