My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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