What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
fuck your aforementioned shoe
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
