Nicole vs. Life
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
