apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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