I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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