I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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