the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Randomize
