I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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