At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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