By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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