and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
