____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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