Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
