Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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