So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize