hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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