Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
