it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
